A Decision With No Regrets
by Sylindara
Summary: For good or for ill, everything they do is for Border. [Karasawa/Netsuki]


**Author Notes** : This is not meant to be an excuse for anyone's actions unless you want it to be. This is not meant to be a condemnation of anyone's actions unless you want it to be. I just wanted to try exploring certain aspects of Netsuki (who revealed Osamu's actions just to say that he is Border's and that Border has dealt with it), Karasawa (who brought Osamu there just to see what he would do), and a relationship between the two of them. Nothing more, nothing less. Unless you want it to be :)

* * *

The PR Department was even more bustling than usual; everyone rushing around with purpose as the Large-Scale Expedition became more real with every new sponsor offer and enlistment request. The man usually at the centre of it all, directing the chaos like the conductor of an orchestra, was nowhere to be seen today.

Karasawa did not let that discourage him, wading easily through the bedlam until he reached the door to the small meeting room set aside for Netsuki's personal use. It was usually where he met with Arashiyama Squad, or any other defence personnel he needed to see.

As he expected, Netsuki was seated at one end of the table with the members of Arashiyama squad clustered around him, all of their attention on the mess of papers spread all over the surface.

Karasawa hung back a little, expecting to wait until they are done, but Netsuki started shuffling the papers together immediately without looking in his direction. Arashiyama squad, following his cue, bowed to Netsuki in farewell and turned.

Arashiyama was the first one to react to Karasawa's presence, a solemn nod of the head a far cry from his usual exuberant personality. Satori and Ayatsuji meanwhile gave nothing more than a weak smile as they slipped past, eyes not actually looking at Karasawa. Kitora bowed exactly as manners dictated, but the effect was ruined by the heavy scowl on her face. Only Tokieda greeted him like normal, he who had the best control over his emotions.

Karasawa waited until they were out of the room before turning back to Netsuki and asked lightly, "I wonder if they are more upset with you or me?"

Netsuki sent him a dark look, still seated at the table with the papers in his hands. "And what can I do for you today, Karasawa-san?"

Karasawa noted the snub and smiled widely. "I was hoping you would join me for dinner."

* * *

The restaurant Karasawa took Netsuki to was an expensive, yet understated, traditional Japanese place tucked in one of the side streets near the main train station of Mikado City. It was a discreet place that catered to the _other_ sort of clientele: people with the money to indulge in sexualities not approved by society. Netsuki was the one to introduce this restaurant to Karasawa, back when they first started their little dalliance. It was the only place in Mikado that gave its customers a romantic atmosphere in total privacy for two people of the same gender. And the food was very good too.

In deference to all the time and effort – not to mention money – Karasawa must have spent to wrangle them a reservation at such short notice, Netsuki tucked his negativity deep inside him and allowed the good food and atmosphere of the small private room to sooth his frazzled nerves. It was too cold to open the glass doors that opened out to the neatly trimmed private garden that came with the room, but through the open curtains Netsuki could see little candle flames flickering in the stone lanterns that dotted the garden. This particular little garden had taken special care to maintain its decorative properties even in winter - if in a different way from how it would look in summer. It spoke of how expensive this particular room must be, and how much Karasawa had splurged for tonight. Netsuki's hands itched to sink into the earth, not out of a specific desire to change the garden in some way, but just because it was there and he wanted to garden. It was all very…nice.

Finishing his food, Netsuki shifted on the low cushion he was seated on until he was half resting on the tatami mats and allowed himself to slump a little against Karasawa's side, watching with hooded eyes as Karasawa refilled their sake cups.

"It is a new moon tonight," Karasawa said softly, face already pinking from the alcohol. He clinked his cup gently against Netsuki's then offering it up to the clear night sky. Netsuki gaze followed the cup up to the stars twinkled fiercely without the interference of the moon. The Neighbourhood nations did not exist in those stars, but Netsuki thought it all the same.

"Thank you for the meal, Karasawa-san," Netsuki offered. No matter how he felt about Karasawa at the moment, this he could give him.

"You're welcome, Netsuki-san," Karasawa replied in the same tone of voice, but did not take the conversation opening Netsuki had offered.

Netsuki tsked exasperatedly in his mind, and then tried a different tack. "It has been a nice evening. I am grateful, but I must be on my way now."

Karasawa smiled patiently, the hand not holding his cup curling around Netsuki's waist. "Won't you give me a bit more of your time this evening?"

"I am very busy right now," Netsuki said crossly, finally letting his resentment out. "I must go back to work."

"That is precisely why you must rest," Karasawa said, undeterred. "I am very good at helping you relax, am I not?"

Netsuki sighed. This wasn't working; if Karasawa must beat about the bush… "It is not your style to apologise, not for something like what you did at the press conference. Why did you invite me here tonight?"

Karasawa's eyes crinkled merrily. "To help you rest, just as I said. I may not be sorry for my actions, but I do regret that the whole thing put you under a lot of stress – and continues to put you under a lot of stress."

"Do you? Really?" Netsuki was unconvinced, but permitted himself to recline more fully against Karasawa's side, lying his head against Karasawa's collar.

"It was necessary." Karasawa shrugged expansively. Netsuki could feel his muscles shifting under his shirt. Karasawa was no longer a rugby player, but that did not mean he didn't keep himself in shape. "Every one of those reporters in that room knew your reputation, Netsuki-san; precisely because they knew your surprise was genuine, they did not think that the whole thing was planned from the beginning."

"There would have been no need to worry they would think so if you had not brought Mikumo-kun there," Netsuki grumbled. "He is still injured; you should not have taken him to that place."

"Let him live in ignorance instead? Until he is confronted with the truth on the evening news, helpless to do anything but let Border shield him from the worst of the condemnation?"

"That is our job. He is a child; his actions are our responsibility; our duty to protect him from the media," Netsuki said, bitterness coating his mouth. "Had the conference happened as I planned, any reporters who tried to find out Mikumo-kun's identity would have had to face the weight of Border and Mikado city's censure. I may even have been able to spin it to give Mikumo-kun more popularity among the civilians."

"You wanted to make him a martyr," Karasawa pointed out, not unkindly. He drained his sake in one gulp, setting the cup down and leaned his head towards Netsuki, nosing at his hair. There was a light slur in Karasawa's voice, the drunkenness a deliberate display of trust that Netsuki allowed to sway him anyway. "He is not just a child, but a soldier. One of our soldiers. Allow him the chance to fight back on his own terms. Let him take responsibility of his actions." Karasawa picked up Netsuki's untouched cup, bringing it to Netsuki's lips. "Revealing C-ranks' lack of bailout to the enemy is a terrible blunder; won't you give him a chance to make up for it? As long as Border is unable to punish him for it, this is the best way, don't you think?"

Netsuki took a sip and replied accusingly, "You wanted to make him a hero."

"He already is a hero," Karasawa corrected.

* * *

Karasawa took Netsuki back to his apartment after dinner. He didn't want to use a hotel room for this. Not tonight.

It was as Netsuki said. Karasawa was not in a position to regret his actions, and so he did not. But that did not mean he could not be kind to Netsuki. For this moment, for today, for as long Netsuki would allow it.

They did not have a habit of rough sex in the first place – Netsuki was paranoid of visible marks, and Karasawa liked the power of controlled sex too much – but Karasawa made sure to go especially slow tonight. Building it up until Netsuki lost his patience, well-trimmed nails digging into Karasawa's back as he took them to the brink and back, again and again.

They weren't young anymore. One round was enough to make Netsuki collapse back against the pillows – Karasawa's one visible indulgence in his apartment – an arm over his eyes and refusing to budge. Karasawa sat beside him, nonchalantly lighting a cigarette and bringing it to his lips, feeling his head clear from the alcohol. "Do you feel better now, Netsuki-san?"

"Smug is not a good look for you." Netsuki sniffed. He turned to look at Karasawa solemnly. "We cannot see eye to eye, Karasawa-san. I fear I may never forgive you for making him face them," Netsuki said quietly, watching Karasawa as he smoked his cigarette.

"And I do not blame you for throwing him to the wolves in the first place." Karasawa sighed. "Does it matter so much now what we have done? In the end, you achieved your goal and I mine."

"Mikumo-kun is not for you to use," Netsuki said helplessly. He looked away, collapsing slowly into the pillows again like a balloon losing its air.

Karasawa smiled understandingly, he knew Netsuki was talking about all of them. "I know." He curled an arm around Netsuki's shoulders and pressed a gentle kiss against his ear. "Do not regret what you have done for the sake of Border. For the sake of our little child soldiers. We must own our actions, Eizou-san."

Netsuki closed his eyes softly. "I know."

* * *

 **Ending Notes** : Did you know I checked the moon phases and weather patterns for January 2014 just for this fic? That's why I can say with certainty this happened on the 31st.


End file.
